Everything Goes With Pink

Pink is not a color, it is a way of life.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

RIP Syd Barrett

Monday, June 12, 2006

Come Visit Me!!


www.myspace.com/everythinggoeswithpink

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Today's article for Sarah Ewing









Here is today's article:


5-year-old dies from injuries to her head

Stepmom mum on how it happened

By Sara Eaton
The Journal Gazette
Sarah

A 5-year-old girl hospitalized in critical condition Friday for a head injury has since died, and her death remains under investigation.

Sarah Ewing was not breathing when paramedics arrived at her home, 3905 St. Joe Center Road, about 8:40 p.m. Friday. Paramedics called police to the scene, explaining that Sarah was in critical condition from what they believed was a battery, according to dispatch records.

She remained hospitalized in critical condition through Tuesday, but died late Tuesday or early Wednesday, family members said.

Allen County Coroner Dr. E. Jon Brandenberger said Sarah’s case remains under investigation. Results of an autopsy could be released today, providing details into the cause and manner of Sarah’s death.

Meanwhile, Fort Wayne police have turned over their investigation to prosecutors, officer and department spokesman Michael Joyner said.

Joyner said Sarah had been with her stepmother, Shanna L. Pritchard, at the time the she was injured but declined to specify how Sarah was hurt. Joyner also declined to release additional information.

Police previously said they were interviewing family members to determine what happened.

Pritchard, 29, declined to comment late Wednesday about Sarah’s injuries, how she sustained them and whether she had any involvement. Pritchard described Sarah as an energetic, happy little girl who loved to play with her younger brother, Skyler Pritchard, 2.

She described her relationship with Sarah as good and said the pair used to do the grocery shopping for the family together. Sarah enjoyed singing, coloring and playing at cleaning around the house, Pritchard said, pointing to a plastic toy vacuum lined up among other toys.

Toys lined two walls of the sparsely decorated duplex and were meticulously organized. Magnetic letters formed the alphabet in perfect order on a small magnetic board. The letters were lined up in straight lines with equal spacing between each letter.

Pritchard said Sarah liked to take bubble baths and would pretend she was in a hot tub.

Sarah shared a bedroom with Skyler. Her bed was in one corner and Skyler’s was in the other with a dresser separating the two. At the head of Sarah’s bed, Pritchard placed several drawings by Sarah and a prayer she wrote for her. A tent sat in a third corner of their room.

If Sarah’s death is ruled a homicide, it will be the eighth in Allen County this year.

She is the second child to die this month. Ten-month-old David Turnage II was found unconscious April 9 inside a Bridgeway Drive apartment.

He died four days later. His father, who was home with him at the time, said he left the baby unattended in the bathtub. Police have said they believe David’s death was an accident.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

May God Rest Her Soul




I just wanted to "light a candle" for a 5 year old girl who passed away this morning in Indiana. Her name was Sarah and she was a friend of my daughter's Step-mother.


This is an article from the Fort Wayne local paper earlier in the week:

Journal Gazette, The (Fort Wayne, IN)

April 22, 2006
Section: METRO
Edition: Final
Page: 4C

Girl, 5, critically hurt in northeast-side home
Masaaki Harada The Journal Gazette
Fort Wayne police are investigating how a 5-year-old girl was critically injured in a St. Joe Center Road home Friday night. An ambulance was called to 3905 St. Joe Center Road on the city's northeast side about 8:40 p.m. Police were called after paramedics found the 5-year-old girl wasn't breathing, police spokesman Roy Sutphin said.
The girl appeared to have head injuries and was taken to a hospital in critical condition, Sutphin said. Detectives were interviewing family members at the hospital to determine what happened. Sutphin declined to say whether foul play is suspected. No one was arrested Friday night. The home, part of a duplex near North Brookwood Drive, was surrounded by yellow crime-scene tape while officers outside waited for family members to give consent to search the home. Three people, including an infant boy, left the duplex to go to the hospital to be with the girl. This is the second time this month police have been called because of a critically injured child.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

New EASY tax form for 2006!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Never Lie to your Mother!

Brian Smith invited his mother over for dinner.

During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.

Mrs. Smith had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of
the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs.
Smith started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie
than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver
gravy ladle.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it,
but I'll send her an e-mail jut to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house. I'm
not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother
that read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying
that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie; but the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, MOM LESSON OF THE DAY.....NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 07, 2006

Ian, this is for you!!!! (heehee)

Politically Uncorrect by Gretchen Wilson




I'm for the low man on the toedom pole
And I'm for the underdog god bless his soul
And I'm for the guys still pulling third shift
and the single mom raising her kids
And I'm for the preacher who stay on their knees
And I'm for the sinner who finally believed
And I'm For the farmer with dirt on his hands
And the soldiers who fight for this land

And I'm for the bible
And I'm for the flag
And I'm for the working man
Me and Ol' hag
I'm just one of many who can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect

I guess my opinion is all out of style
Don't get me started because i can get wild
And I'll make a fight for the four father's plan (That's Right)
Hell the world already knows where I stand

And I'm for the bible
And I'm for the flag
And I'm for the working man
Me and Ol' hag
I'm just one of many who can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect

Nothing Wrong with the bible
Nothing Wrong with the flag
Nothing Wrong with the working man
Me and Ol' Hag
We're just some of many that can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect
Politically Uncorrect

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

For my baby girl!



Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just! for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and n ot get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day..............

Can you believe this?

http://channels.netscape.com/whatsnew/default.jsp?story=20060405-0842
(click on this link to see the full article or copy and paste)

The Bible says that Jesus walked on water, but a professor of oceanography at Florida State University in Tallahassee says Christ was actually walking on a floating piece of ice.

The sixth chapter of the Gospel of John tells the story familiar to Christians: When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea, got into a boat and started across the sea to Capernaum. It was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them. The sea became rough because a strong wind was blowing. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they were terrified. But he said to them: "It is I, do not be afraid." (John 6:16-20)


I am a firm believer in the Bible.....Every WORD!!!!! I am appalled that people are trying to "EXPLAIN" the things that are "UNBELIEVABLE" because they have no faith and choose NOT to believe.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

GOOD: In Richardson, a Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a
perfect spot to watch for speeders, but he wasn't getting many. Then he discovered
the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted
sign that read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!" The officer then found the boy's young
accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being
cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded
through the mail with a photo of handcuffs.

BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Texas State Trooper
walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I'll bet
you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball" He
replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence
while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book,
got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Dilemma

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2 An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only
be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was
once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you
should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old
friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.. I would stay behind and
wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to

"Think Outside of the Box."

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Priceless!!!!

I wasn't sure if the text would show, but it is as follows:

American Flag: $25
Gasoline:$2
Cigarette Lighter: $2.50

Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist asshole: PRICELESS!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Battle of the Sexes

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his
wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship Between Men
:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hee Hee

Friday, March 17, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

2006 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....


And now, the honourable mentions:



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company.. The
company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a spa ce for his, car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana di ner, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer was ...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a concrete block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The concrete block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. T he clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he
replied, "Yes officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

***** OUR 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER *****


10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Angelina Jolie's Subservient Pull Toy

http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/



Thursday, March 02, 2006

These are for you, Patty!

THIS is Van Gogh! I promise he is every bit of 130 lbs. and is very chocolate! When Morgan was a baby, she couldn't say, "Van Gogh", so she would yell for him and say, "BEEEBBBBEEEEOOOOHHHH". It was the cutest thing ever!







Hello Stangers! New pics!





Friday, February 24, 2006

TGIF!!

I just wanted to say a quick, "hello" to everyone! Sorry I haven't been writing much. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

You Know You Are From VA When...

Speed limits are just suggestions

You have at least two friends who have no idea what their relatives do...because its "top secret" government work

Most of your senior class went to Radford, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain

You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern," "central," or "southern" in front of it (See above.)

It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

You know yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through. (Yeah, man...at least. Probably also happens everywhere else.) A red light means 2 more can.

You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for.

Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are not, under any circumstances, a "southerner"

You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington, DC

You took a field trip to Williamsburg as a kid

You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English

You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag

An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of school

All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience

Crown Victoria = undercover cop

Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro.

They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new McMansions in its place

For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa

If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have three new names.

You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor

"Vacation" means spending a day at King's Dominion or Busch Gardens.

"Going to the River" means any stream with water.

You have never been served tea without the waitress asking "sweet or unsweetened?"

Your favorite past time is telling West Virginia jokes.

Anyone who can't trace his or her ancestry back to at least four generations in Virginia is an outsider.

"Going to the beach" means anywhere from Ocean City to Virginia Beach to Myrtle Beach.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Virginia.

GM vs Microsoft

GM vs. Microsoft

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent
computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I
just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because! none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.



Thursday, February 16, 2006

New Monument: "Victory Against Terrorism"

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Happy Friday!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Sounds About Right....

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Clinton vs. Titanic

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" &
"My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student
turned in the following book
report, with the proposition that they were nearly
identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+
for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden
love and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
love and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Monica.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same
thing.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Subject:The Men's Way (In Honor of My Husband)

The Men's List

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We
always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are MEN'S rules!

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys..

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


Thursday, February 02, 2006

Nutritional Information

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you