Everything Goes With Pink

Pink is not a color, it is a way of life.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

GOOD: In Richardson, a Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a
perfect spot to watch for speeders, but he wasn't getting many. Then he discovered
the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted
sign that read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!" The officer then found the boy's young
accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being
cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded
through the mail with a photo of handcuffs.

BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Texas State Trooper
walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I'll bet
you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball" He
replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence
while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book,
got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Dilemma

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2 An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only
be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was
once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you
should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old
friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.. I would stay behind and
wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to

"Think Outside of the Box."

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Priceless!!!!

I wasn't sure if the text would show, but it is as follows:

American Flag: $25
Gasoline:$2
Cigarette Lighter: $2.50

Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist asshole: PRICELESS!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Battle of the Sexes

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his
wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship Between Men
:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hee Hee

Friday, March 17, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

2006 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....


And now, the honourable mentions:



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company.. The
company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a spa ce for his, car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana di ner, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer was ...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a concrete block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The concrete block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. T he clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he
replied, "Yes officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

***** OUR 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER *****


10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Angelina Jolie's Subservient Pull Toy

http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/



Thursday, March 02, 2006

These are for you, Patty!

THIS is Van Gogh! I promise he is every bit of 130 lbs. and is very chocolate! When Morgan was a baby, she couldn't say, "Van Gogh", so she would yell for him and say, "BEEEBBBBEEEEOOOOHHHH". It was the cutest thing ever!







Hello Stangers! New pics!