Everything Goes With Pink

RIP Syd Barrett

2006-07-11T13:11:00.000-05:00

Come Visit Me!!

2006-06-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

www.myspace.com/everythinggoeswithpink

2006-04-29T09:04:00.000-05:00

Today's article for Sarah Ewing

2006-04-27T07:16:00.000-05:00

Here is today's article:

5-year-old dies from injuries to her head

Stepmom mum on how it happened

By Sara Eaton

The Journal Gazette

Sarah

A 5-year-old girl hospitalized in critical condition Friday for a head injury has since died, and her death remains under investigation.

Sarah Ewing was not breathing when paramedics arrived at her home, 3905 St. Joe Center Road, about 8:40 p.m. Friday. Paramedics called police to the scene, explaining that Sarah was in critical condition from what they believed was a battery, according to dispatch records.

She remained hospitalized in critical condition through Tuesday, but died late Tuesday or early Wednesday, family members said.

Allen County Coroner Dr. E. Jon Brandenberger said Sarah’s case remains under investigation. Results of an autopsy could be released today, providing details into the cause and manner of Sarah’s death.

Meanwhile, Fort Wayne police have turned over their investigation to prosecutors, officer and department spokesman Michael Joyner said.

Joyner said Sarah had been with her stepmother, Shanna L. Pritchard, at the time the she was injured but declined to specify how Sarah was hurt. Joyner also declined to release additional information.

Police previously said they were interviewing family members to determine what happened.

Pritchard, 29, declined to comment late Wednesday about Sarah’s injuries, how she sustained them and whether she had any involvement. Pritchard described Sarah as an energetic, happy little girl who loved to play with her younger brother, Skyler Pritchard, 2.

She described her relationship with Sarah as good and said the pair used to do the grocery shopping for the family together. Sarah enjoyed singing, coloring and playing at cleaning around the house, Pritchard said, pointing to a plastic toy vacuum lined up among other toys.

Toys lined two walls of the sparsely decorated duplex and were meticulously organized. Magnetic letters formed the alphabet in perfect order on a small magnetic board. The letters were lined up in straight lines with equal spacing between each letter.

Pritchard said Sarah liked to take bubble baths and would pretend she was in a hot tub.

Sarah shared a bedroom with Skyler. Her bed was in one corner and Skyler’s was in the other with a dresser separating the two. At the head of Sarah’s bed, Pritchard placed several drawings by Sarah and a prayer she wrote for her. A tent sat in a third corner of their room.

If Sarah’s death is ruled a homicide, it will be the eighth in Allen County this year.

She is the second child to die this month. Ten-month-old David Turnage II was found unconscious April 9 inside a Bridgeway Drive apartment.

He died four days later. His father, who was home with him at the time, said he left the baby unattended in the bathtub. Police have said they believe David’s death was an accident.

May God Rest Her Soul

2006-04-26T13:33:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to "light a candle" for a 5 year old girl who passed away this morning in Indiana. Her name was Sarah and she was a friend of my daughter's Step-mother.

This is an article from the Fort Wayne local paper earlier in the week:

Journal Gazette, The (Fort Wayne, IN)

April 22, 2006
Section: METRO
Edition: Final
Page: 4C

Girl, 5, critically hurt in northeast-side home
Masaaki Harada The Journal Gazette Fort Wayne police are investigating how a 5-year-old girl was critically injured in a St. Joe Center Road home Friday night. An ambulance was called to 3905 St. Joe Center Road on the city's northeast side about 8:40 p.m. Police were called after paramedics found the 5-year-old girl wasn't breathing, police spokesman Roy Sutphin said.

The girl appeared to have head injuries and was taken to a hospital in critical condition, Sutphin said. Detectives were interviewing family members at the hospital to determine what happened. Sutphin declined to say whether foul play is suspected. No one was arrested Friday night. The home, part of a duplex near North Brookwood Drive, was surrounded by yellow crime-scene tape while officers outside waited for family members to give consent to search the home. Three people, including an infant boy, left the duplex to go to the hospital to be with the girl. This is the second time this month police have been called because of a critically injured child.

New EASY tax form for 2006!

2006-04-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

Never Lie to your Mother!

2006-04-10T11:50:00.000-05:00

Brian Smith invited his mother over for dinner.

During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.

Mrs. Smith had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of
the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs.
Smith started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie
than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver
gravy ladle.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it,
but I'll send her an e-mail jut to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house. I'm
not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother
that read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying
that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie; but the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, MOM LESSON OF THE DAY.....NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ian, this is for you!!!! (heehee)

2006-04-07T09:15:00.000-05:00

Politically Uncorrect by Gretchen Wilson

I'm for the low man on the toedom pole
And I'm for the underdog god bless his soul
And I'm for the guys still pulling third shift
and the single mom raising her kids
And I'm for the preacher who stay on their knees
And I'm for the sinner who finally believed
And I'm For the farmer with dirt on his hands
And the soldiers who fight for this land

And I'm for the bible
And I'm for the flag
And I'm for the working man
Me and Ol' hag
I'm just one of many who can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect

I guess my opinion is all out of style
Don't get me started because i can get wild
And I'll make a fight for the four father's plan (That's Right)
Hell the world already knows where I stand

And I'm for the bible
And I'm for the flag
And I'm for the working man
Me and Ol' hag
I'm just one of many who can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect

Nothing Wrong with the bible
Nothing Wrong with the flag
Nothing Wrong with the working man
Me and Ol' Hag
We're just some of many that can't get no respect
Politically Uncorrect
Politically Uncorrect

For my baby girl!

2006-04-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned. Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just! for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and n ot get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day..............

Can you believe this?

2006-04-05T10:33:00.000-05:00

http://channels.netscape.com/whatsnew/default.jsp?story=20060405-0842
(click on this link to see the full article or copy and paste)

The Bible says that Jesus walked on water, but a professor of oceanography at Florida State University in Tallahassee says Christ was actually walking on a floating piece of ice.

The sixth chapter of the Gospel of John tells the story familiar to Christians: When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea, got into a boat and started across the sea to Capernaum. It was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them. The sea became rough because a strong wind was blowing. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they were terrified. But he said to them: "It is I, do not be afraid." (John 6:16-20)

I am a firm believer in the Bible.....Every WORD!!!!! I am appalled that people are trying to "EXPLAIN" the things that are "UNBELIEVABLE" because they have no faith and choose NOT to believe.

2006-03-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

GOOD: In Richardson, a Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a
perfect spot to watch for speeders, but he wasn't getting many. Then he discovered
the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted
sign that read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!" The officer then found the boy's young
accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being
cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded
through the mail with a photo of handcuffs.

BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Texas State Trooper
walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I'll bet
you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball" He
replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence
while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book,
got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

2006-03-27T15:45:00.000-05:00

The Dilemma

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2 An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only
be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was
once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you
should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old
friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.. I would stay behind and
wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to

"Think Outside of the Box."

Priceless!!!!

2006-03-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

I wasn't sure if the text would show, but it is as follows:

American Flag: $25
Gasoline:$2
Cigarette Lighter: $2.50

Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist asshole: PRICELESS!

Battle of the Sexes

2006-03-22T11:48:00.000-05:00

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his
wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

Hee Hee

2006-03-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

2006-03-17T14:52:00.000-05:00

2006-03-16T11:54:00.000-05:00

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

2006 DARWIN AWARDS

2006-03-09T12:01:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company.. The
company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a spa ce for his, car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana di ner, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer was ...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a concrete block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The concrete block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. T he clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he
replied, "Yes officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

***** OUR 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER *****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Angelina Jolie's Subservient Pull Toy

2006-03-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/

These are for you, Patty!

2006-03-02T19:13:00.000-05:00

THIS is Van Gogh! I promise he is every bit of 130 lbs. and is very chocolate! When Morgan was a baby, she couldn't say, "Van Gogh", so she would yell for him and say, "BEEEBBBBEEEEOOOOHHHH". It was the cutest thing ever!

Hello Stangers! New pics!

2006-03-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

TGIF!!

2006-02-24T12:37:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say a quick, "hello" to everyone! Sorry I haven't been writing much. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

You Know You Are From VA When...

2006-02-22T15:59:00.000-05:00

Speed limits are just suggestions

You have at least two friends who have no idea what their relatives do...because its "top secret" government work

Most of your senior class went to Radford, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain

You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern," "central," or "southern" in front of it (See above.)

It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

You know yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through. (Yeah, man...at least. Probably also happens everywhere else.) A red light means 2 more can.

You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for.

Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are not, under any circumstances, a "southerner"

You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington, DC

You took a field trip to Williamsburg as a kid

You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English

You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag

An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of school

All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience

Crown Victoria = undercover cop

Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro.

They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new McMansions in its place

For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa

If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have three new names.

You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor

"Vacation" means spending a day at King's Dominion or Busch Gardens.

"Going to the River" means any stream with water.

You have never been served tea without the waitress asking "sweet or unsweetened?"

Your favorite past time is telling West Virginia jokes.

Anyone who can't trace his or her ancestry back to at least four generations in Virginia is an outsider.

"Going to the beach" means anywhere from Ocean City to Virginia Beach to Myrtle Beach.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Virginia.

GM vs Microsoft

2006-02-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

GM vs. Microsoft

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent
computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I
just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because! none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

New Monument: "Victory Against Terrorism"

2006-02-16T10:38:00.000-05:00

2006-02-15T13:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday!

2006-02-10T09:40:00.000-05:00

2006-02-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

Sounds About Right....

2006-02-08T13:04:00.000-05:00

Clinton vs. Titanic

2006-02-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" &
"My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student
turned in the following book
report, with the proposition that they were nearly
identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+
for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden
love and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
love and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Monica.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same
thing.

Subject:The Men's Way (In Honor of My Husband)

2006-02-04T14:10:00.000-05:00

The Men's List

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We
always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are MEN'S rules!

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys..

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Nutritional Information

2006-02-02T12:18:00.000-05:00

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you

You Know You Are Living In 2006 When...

2006-01-24T09:38:00.000-05:00

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone #'s to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

25 Signs You've Grown Up...

2006-01-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your avorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginningof one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm nevergoing to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"

Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

Blonde's Year in Review: 2005

2006-01-20T11:55:00.000-05:00

Blonde's Year in Review:

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh"....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited. ...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 > days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

Words of Wisdom from our Leader?

2006-01-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." - George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." - George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." - George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow." - George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." - George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." - George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe." - George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy." - George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." - George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." - George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." - George W. Bush

Why We Love Children Finale...

2006-01-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

Why We Love Children Cont'd.

2006-01-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

Morgan's blog.

2006-01-16T10:50:00.000-05:00

My daughter, Morgan, started her very own blog today! Check it out if you get a chance. She is really excited about it. She sees me posting on mine all the time and thinks it's cool.

2006-01-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Weekend!

2006-01-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a great weekend! And...for those of us that have a long weekend...keep having a great one! We went to my mother-in-law's house last night and played Rummy until about 1 a.m. It was actually pretty fun and we got to see some beautiful snow! I LOVE this time of year. My husband, on the other hand, hates it, but I like it enough for the both of us. I love the cold weather, drinking hot chocolate, bundling up in a nice warm coat, the way the warm house feels when you've been outside a little too long, and staying home and cuddling b/c there is nothing else to do.

Ever Feel Unappreciated?

2006-01-14T09:01:00.000-05:00

Could You Sit On This?

2006-01-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

And They Say Blondes are Dumb!

2006-01-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

Sad News...

2006-01-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at
the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important
person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man
that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most
traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put
his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

The Transformation of Star Jones

2006-01-11T10:09:00.000-05:00

To get the full story go to http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com

Poor Thing :(

2006-01-10T10:22:00.000-05:00

Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. The kitten, a ragdoll breed, which died after living for one day, was one of two in the litter. Its sibling was born normal and healthy. (AP Photo/Traci Allen)

Men Are Like....

2006-01-09T08:02:00.000-05:00

1.Men are like.......Laxatives.......They irritate the crap out of you.
2.Men are like........Bananas.......The older they get, the less firm they are.
3.Men are like........Weather.......Nothing can be done to change them.
4.Men are like........Blenders......You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5.Men are like.......Chocolate Bars.....Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
6.Men are like........Commercials......You can't believe a word they say.
7.Men are like........Department Stores......Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8.Men are like........Government Bonds......They take soooooooo long to mature.
9.Men are like........Mascara......They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10.Men are like.......Popcorn.......They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11.Men are like.......Snowstorms.....You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12.Men are like.......Lava Lamps......Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13.Men are like.......Parking Spots........All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

NOTE: To my wonderful husband. This is just a joke, I Love ya!

Disappointed...

2006-01-08T22:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I wasn't planning on writing another post tontight, but I am very upset. I have been waiting for the new episode of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy for a couple of weeks and I have been let down. Grey's Anatomy is a re-run of the first episode. What a let down. Anyway. I am going to bed now, diappointed and a little tipsy.

It's Over

2006-01-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

Technically it is still the weekend, but Sundays always feel so final. You always start preparing for the work week ahead. Now that Adam isn't in pain anymore, I can actually relax and maybe get a little house work done. For a while there, I thought I was going to have to take him in the back yard and put him out of his misery! All I can say is that is a good thing that men can't have babies!

Thank Goodness for Tylox!

2006-01-07T15:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I went with my husband on an emergency run to the dentist. It was dry socket. Treatable and cureable. The dentist gave him a "6-hour" novacaine shot and repacked the hole where the tooth had been. He then handed me a few of the medicine soaked wicks and showed me how to re-pack it if need be. He also gave hubbie a Rx for Tylox! He is numb and sleeping like a baby (instead of acting like one)! I'm just giving him a hard time. I know he was in pain and one person can only handle so much. Anyway, hope everyone has a fun weekend!

Happy Weekend!

2006-01-07T08:30:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far. Mine isn't so great. My husband had an impacted wisdom tooth removed on Wednesday and he is still in MAJOR pain. He was literally in tears yesterday and Thursday. The Vicodin and Percocets didn't even work. I guess we have come to the conclusion that he has "dry socket". Of course, today is Saturday and the dentist is closed until Monday. Does anyone know of any way to relieve the pain until the dentist can re-pack it? The poor guy is driving me crazy!

Six Kinds of Sex

2006-01-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen on the table, etc.

3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!" This is also called oral sex by some.

5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is if you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

6. There is also Social Security Sex...that's when you get some once a month but it's not enough to live on....

The South

2006-01-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

THE SOUTH
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.

FOR NORTHERNERS COMING SOUTH
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Back to Work Tomorrow!

2006-01-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

I always get a little depressed on the last day of a long weekend. I'm just now starting to feel relaxed and content. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's celebration (that goes for all of you on the West Coast who cheated and watched the ball drop 3 hours early!) hee hee. I hope 2006 brings all of you the happiness I'm sure you deserve! I can't wait to see how this year unfolds!

2006!

2006-01-01T14:45:00.000-05:00

How did you ring in the New Year?

See You Next Year!

2005-12-31T13:16:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone has a good New Year!!!!! Be safe and Don't Drink and Drive!

Ads You'll Probably Never See #3

2005-12-31T13:14:00.000-05:00

Ads You'll Probably Never See #2

2005-12-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

Ads You'll Probably Never See #1

2005-12-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

Last but not Least!

2005-12-28T10:26:00.000-05:00

2005-12-27T07:40:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I, for one, had one of the best Christmases I have had in years! I love not having to go to work and spending time with family. It is what life is all about. Loving them and having them love you back just as much. What a wonderful feeling. Well, it is 7:45 and I have to get ready for work. Back to reality....

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!

2005-12-25T08:57:00.000-05:00

1 DAY LEFT!!

2005-12-24T09:09:00.000-05:00

One for the Road!

2005-12-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

2 DAYS LEFT!!

2005-12-23T07:42:00.000-05:00

3 DAYS LEFT!!

2005-12-22T07:24:00.000-05:00

4 DAYS LEFT!!

2005-12-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

5 DAYS LEFT!!

2005-12-20T09:24:00.000-05:00

6 DAYS LEFT!!

2005-12-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

7 DAYS LEFT!

2005-12-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

Actual Bumper Stickers

2005-12-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Keep honking...I'm reloading

The Joy of Raising Boys

2005-12-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cannot walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

It's Snowing!

2005-12-05T13:52:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to a beautiful "white Monday". Too bad it wasn't snowing enough to strand me at home, but it was pretty none the less. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I had a surprisingly good one. It was very relaxing. I just spent some time at a friends house while our kids played. We drank coffee and gossipped while the kids danced, sang and loaded up on junk food! It's nice to sit back and talk to a good friend. It makes time stand still if even just for a moment.....

Happy Weekend!

2005-12-01T20:15:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Weekend! What are your plans? OH! If you get a chance, check out this guy's blog: http://uncage.blogspot.com/ It is pretty funny. Also, my cousin, Tim (through marriage) has a blog. He is a marine fighting for our country. Please visit his blog. He is an amazing writer:
http://americas-son.blogspot.com/

You can use the links on the side ---------->"Vent" and "America's Son"

Question

2005-11-29T20:10:00.000-05:00

Would you rather have 1 wish granted today or 3 wishes granted in 10 years?

2005-11-29T09:53:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...

2005-11-22T01:51:00.000-05:00

When (We) Girls Drink Too Much...

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. WE DROP OUR 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH WE'RE EATING EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT

6.WE START CRYING AND ! TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

7. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8.WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US

9. THE MAN WE'RE FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE OUR 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING TO US.

11. OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO WE KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (er, or, the mop?)

15. WE START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."

16. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID IS DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

17. OUR HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. WE ARE TIRED SO WE JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER WE HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. WE BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON OUR BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM OUR DRINK.

20. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

Build a Better Bush

2005-11-19T14:11:00.000-05:00

Click on the link to build a better Bush!!
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2005/Better_Bush.htm

Deer Butt Door Bell?

2005-11-19T13:25:00.000-05:00

Well, for all of you that have been keeping up with my blog, you know that my husband lives to hunt....So, when my girlfriend, Andrea sent me this picture, I laughed my a** off (excuse the pun)!

Pictures of "Aunt" Mary

2005-11-15T10:04:00.000-05:00

One of my dearest friends came to visit me a couple of weeks ago from Roanoke. Her name is Mary, and we went to college together. She was in the room when my bundle of joy, Morgan, was born on August 19, 1998. Mary's birthday is on Aug. 20 and she has always told Morgan that she was the best birthday present she could have ever hoped for! Here are some of the reunion pics..... (Justin obviously does NOT like PDA).

Warning Labels for the Mentally Imparied!

2005-11-08T09:47:00.000-05:00

Found on a fruit roll up snack:
Peel fruit from cellophane backing before eating

Found on bottle of drain cleaner:
Do not reuse this bottle to store beverages

Found on children's aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin

Found on birth control pills:
Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or might be pregnant

Found on Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only

Found on a toy witch's broom:
This broom does not actually fly

Found on a tube of deoderant:
Do not use intimately

Found on a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain saw with hands or genitals

Found on a portable stroller:
Remove infant before folding for storage

Found on over-the-counter sleeping pills:
May cause drowsiness

Found on a clothes iron:
Do not iron clothes on body

Found on a Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly

Found on bathroom cleaner:
For best results, start with a clean bathtub before use

Found on PMS medication:
Do not use if you have prostate problems

Found on the BOTTOM of a supermarket dessert box:
Do not turn upside down

Found in the manual for a washing machine:
Caution: you must remove clothing before washing

Found on a package of peanuts:
Warning: may contain nuts

Found on a .22 caliber rifle:
misuse may cause serious injury or death

Found on an electric thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally

Found on a curling iron:
For external use only

Found on a hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping

Found in manual for a clothes dryer:
not intended for drying pets

Happy Birthday Hillary Frank!

2005-11-06T12:25:00.000-05:00

Morgan's 2nd grade School Pic...

2005-11-04T10:02:00.000-05:00

Morgan Storm Evans

Only in America!

2005-11-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering...

Pictures I Promised

2005-11-02T09:41:00.000-05:00

Another Wall-Hanger!

2005-11-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that my husband, Adam, is a HUGE hunter. Well, last night he got the ultimate trophy....a 10-point buck-a-roo! This is what makes it all worth while for him. This is what it is all about. He has a 6-pointer already mounted and has one waiting to be mounted that is an 8-pointer. I'll have pics soon. Just thought I would share in his victory and let everyone know how ecstatic he is!

P.S.
We have a new little addition to our family. A cute little kitten named "Spencer". He is absoultely adorable and I'll have pics of him soon too!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

2005-10-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

2005-10-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! I am getting ready to go to Busch Gardens for Howloscream! I am waiting for Adam to come out of the woods. He ususally comes out at sunset or a little after. I think I need to start a club:The Wives of Hunters Club....

Ever Wonder......

2005-10-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? The dog?

In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.

And whose cruel idea was it for the "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Only in America!

2005-10-27T11:18:00.000-05:00

Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Stretchy Face and Mushroom Head

2005-10-26T15:29:00.000-05:00

http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com

Ever Think About Getting Your Nose Pierced?

2005-10-26T09:07:00.000-05:00

From The Mouths of Babes...

2005-10-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to
8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands
got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend
who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked
at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody .
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little
stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think
it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Astrologer Predicts his own death????

2005-10-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

BHOPAL, India (Reuters)
Hundreds of Indians flocked to a village in the central state of Madhya Pradesh on Thursday to see if an astrologer who forecast his own death would die as predicted. Kunjilal Malviya, 75, who lives in Sehara village, about 125 miles south of state capital Bhopal, was meditating in his house after announcing he would die on Thursday. His family fears his forecast will come true. "We are afraid of his prediction coming true because all his predictions till date have been correct," his son Anirudh said by phone.

"My father had predicted the death of my grandfather 15 years ago and it came true exactly like he calculated." Television footage showed relatives and friends seated around Malviya, singing religious songs and reading Hindu texts.

Policemen have been posted near his house to prevent the astrologer from killing himself, authorities said.

Wilma

2005-10-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

A general view of the beach at the resort town of Cancun in Mexico's state of Quintana Roo as Hurricane Wilma approaches October 19, 2005. Described by meteorologists as potentially catastrophic, Wilma dumped rain on the Honduran coast and whipped up winds that briefly reached nearly 175 mph (280 km). Authorities began evacuating 10,000 people in the Mexican coastal state of Quintana Roo and tourists lined up at the airport to escape the beach resort of Cancun, where the storm was due to hit on Thursday. REUTERS/Daniel Aguilar

Question

2005-10-19T11:48:00.000-05:00

What are the characteristics of a TRUE friend?

Only in America!

2005-10-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.